Birthdays
by Zim'sMostLoyalServant
Summary: Oneshot. Zim contemplates the curious human tradition known as "birthdays." Short fic.


**A/N: Okay, here's a quick oneshot birthday present to… myself. What? Don't give me those "you're a weirdo" looks; I've seen people do stuff like this before.**

**Oh, and if this seems a little angsty, it's because I just realized that I'm turning… well, I'm not going to tell you, but it's a big shock to me.**

**Anyway, just read.**

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**Birthdays**

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Zim sat in his command chair, looking up at the multiple screens of his command console. Currently the main screen was showing footage from one of the spy drones he had in the city. Disguised as flies and other things that humans wouldn't notice, they were able to infiltrate any human establishment, giving Zim a nearly endless supply of valuable Intel. Currently, he was watching an interesting human tradition.

A group of humans were gathered in Bloaty's Pizza Hog. Most of them were children, although there were a few adults there, apparently supervising. All the children were seated at an extra-long table, wearing pointed paper hats, eating obscene amounts of pizza, as well as ice cream and other junk foods. Near the end of the ceremony, several Bloaty's employees (singing a song that practically made Zim's antennae bleed) came over to the table holding a large cake with candles on it.

"Happy Birthday!" the employees and the other humans involved in the ceremony shouted as the employees gave the cake to the human child sitting at the head of the table. The boy smiled happily, and then blew out the candles. He and the other children then proceeded to fall upon the cake like a bunch of piranhas.

"Disgusting pig-smellies," Zim muttered under his breath. He then deactivated the screen and leaned back in his chair. "Birthday" was a human term he'd come to understand very well. In addition to the "birthday party" he'd just witnessed, he'd seen similar celebrations. In restaurants like Bloaty's; in their homes; in Skool (except Ms. Bitters class- she despised all forms of happiness); and in the case of the older humans, their places of employment.

Zim personally didn't see the point of celebrating the day of your birth. After all, it wasn't like you were being born again. It was just another day, in the end. In the whole century-and-a-half of his existence, Zim had never bothered to do anything on the anniversary of the day that the Cold Unfeeling Robot Arm had activated him. Actually, he didn't even know which day was his "birthday." He just based his age on how many years on the Irken calendar had gone by.

It was the same for all Irkens… well, except for the Tallest, of course. They were special, so the anniversary of their births was celebrated. But regular Irkens, even members of the Elite like Zim, weren't allowed to have anything to denote them as special. It was just the way Irken society was. Zim had never particularly cared. After all, if the Control Brains decreed that the birth of the average Irken wasn't something worth celebrating, then so be it.

However, looking at the humans having their birthdays, Zim couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous. After all, every single human on this pitiful excuse for a planet had one day a year when they were absolutely special. He, on the other hand, the more superior life form, was just another solider in the eyes of his people. There was nothing special about him, as far as they were concerned.

Zim's hands clenched as that thought occurred to him. 'Why should humans be so blessed?' he thought to himself, 'Why do they get such a gift? A whole day when their friends and family celebrate their existence- bah! If anyone deserves to be celebrated, it is I! Not these pathetic dirt-monkeys!'

Zim sat there stewing in his self-pity and anger for several more minutes, before an idea came to him. Smirking evilly, he pulled out an Irken version of a tape recorder, and spoke into it, "Note to self: After conquest of Earth, ban all human celebrations known as 'birthdays.' If Zim cannot be allowed to celebrate the day of his creation, neither shall the humans." Zim then put the recorder away and leaned back in his chair. Looking up at the digital Irken calendar on the wall, he realized that his people's New Year had already come and gone, meaning it was now another year since the one in which he had been born. Oh well, as long as that was the case…

"Happy birthday, Zim," he muttered sarcastically to himself. He then turned back to his computer console, and went back to gathering information for the Invasion. After all, he now had a new reason to achieve his goal.

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**End**

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**A/N: Blah, this sucks. Then again, I wrote it in under an hour, so that probably explains that.**

**Anyway, read & review!**


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